I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
