i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
