youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize