Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
