If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
