Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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