Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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