I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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