I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize