yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My friends, they love my intelligence
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
