I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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