we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
