I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
