Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
