You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
