oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
