I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
