Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
