And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize