I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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