dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I look better un-naked...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize