Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
