pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why do cheetos always look like penises
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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