My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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