my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
