I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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