Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
