i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
