if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You peed on a flamingo?!?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
