I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
