Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize