I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I deserve this hangover.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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