You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
