I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
