Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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