We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
