So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize