their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
