well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How does it feel to date your dad?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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