Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
