woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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