I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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