I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I need to stop coming to work sober
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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