awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He better not be in your backpack
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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