absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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