I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
