i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
