you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
