when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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