Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
