i just made my gag reflex go away.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize