nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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