Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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