How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
