but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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