someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
