its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
