drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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