I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, beer. Big fan.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
