My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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