I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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