Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
