Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize