If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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