Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I could fuck to npr.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
