eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize