Screwed.edu
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
