Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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