there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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